a guide to moving into a new flat - Dr. Sketchy
issue 0 - february 1994
1. Purchase as little furniture as possible.
2. Butt out cigarettes on the carpet.
3. Spill the bong water and let it seep into the carpet.
4. Don't mow the lawns.
5. Never clean the toilet.
6. Eat only two minute noodles and chicken soup.
7. Drink and smoke excessively.
8. Pay your bills when you get the final warning notice.
9. Only wash the dishes when green mould covers at least half of them.
10. Change the oil in your car and then wander through the house and leave hand prints on as many walls as possible.
11. Walls look a bit plain? You always wanted to be an artist, so go ahead, decorate with textas and paint.
12. Never clean the oven.
13. Piss the neighbours off as much as possible.
14. Tell the landlord the neighbours are noisy within the first week of moving in. This way, if they report you the landlord will think they're trying to get back at you.
15. Have your friend's band rehearse in the lounge on weeknights until at least three in the morning.
16. Grow funny tomatoes in the backyard.
17. When you have a shower, use all the hot water.
18. Hide your best food. Friends become fiends when they have the munchies.
19. Pay rent at least two weeks late every month.
20. Most of all, enjoy yourself.